The Moment Of Truth

So–which one was the lie?? Well, let’s take them one at a time, shall we?

1. I was recently an extra in the Johnny Depp movie Public Enemies. Since I left you all hanging for so long over the weekend, I won’t keep you waiting any longer: #1 is the lie! And only Heidi, Dianne, and my fabulous friend Dawn were right! Even though the majority of the movie was filmed in southern Wisconsin, I wasn’t an extra in the movie. I was too concerned Johnny would see me, and then fall desperately in love, and then it’d be splashed all over the tabloids, and then everyone from Britney to Perez would want a piece of me, and then Chase would start having self esteem issues, and then…well, it just wouldn’t have been good. I decided to stay home and focus on my blogging instead.

2. I was once the female lead singer in a country western band. Two-thirds of you thought this was the lie but it’s true! Granted, we’re talking rural Wisconsin here–not Nashville, Tennessee. My mom knew a guy who was in an all male country western band, and while making small talk he mentioned they were looking to add a female voice. To which my mom exclaimed, “My daughter sings!” Yeah, I sang alright–in the high school choir! Well, surprisingly they liked what they heard and asked me to join them. I did a few shows but ended up quitting because I had such horrible stage fright.

3. I once de-wigged a drag queen in the middle of his/her onstage performance. Totally true. And I must admit I’m a little surprised that only 3 out of 18 guessers thought this was the lie! I guess the jig is up–my crazy antics no longer surprise most of you.

So here’s the story: Back in college my friend Michelle and I decided to go “clubbing” for the first time in the Twin Cities. We went to this one club called “The 90s” which we soon discovered was a gay club. We were with our friend Matt who told us there was a drag queen show in the upper level. Well–being the small town farm girl I am–I couldn’t resist checking it out! So we went upstairs and I couldn’t believe my eyes! The placed was packed around a stage featuring one drag queen after another coming on and doing a performance. I was awe-struck. Matt told us that if we went up to the stage and gave them a dollar, they’d give us a kiss on the cheek. I had to go in for the close-up, so we weaved through the crowd to get to the front of the stage.

Oh wait.

Did I mention it was actually Halloween night?

And did I mention what Michelle and I were dressed up as??

Fairy princesses.

Swear. To. God. And do you think Matt mentioned anything when he saw our fancy fairy asses all dressed up–glittery star-shaped fairy wand and all–heading to what he knew was a gay night club? Um, no. Nada.

So Michelle and I were weaving through the crowd making our way to the stage, getting plenty of attention. (And of course, I–in all my farm girl naivety–had no clue why, so I’m high-fiving everyone giving us a whoop and a “sista.”) We get to center stage, and the current performer was this absolutely gorgeous Naomi Campbell lookalike. Seriously stunning. We hold out our bills cheering for her to come toward us, and she does. I give her my dollar first and she leans down and kisses me on the cheek. Then Michelle gives her a dollar and she leans down to kiss Michelle on the cheek. It was at this moment that I thought it’d be sweet to bless her with my fairy wand. (You see where this is going, right?) So as she’s bending over to kiss Michelle on the cheek, I tap her on the head with my glitter and sequin-encrusted, star-shaped, pointy fairy wand. I go to lift my wand–and take her wig off with me. Right there, center stage, mid-performance, in front of hundreds of people. And did I mention the spotlight? Yeah. I could have died. But Naomi (as I like to think of her)–in all her diva goodness–handled it with class and interrupted her soprano style lip syncing to tell me in her baritone voice, “That’s okay baby. Don’t worry about it.” And then continued on with her fabulous performance.

And while I don’t have photos from the club, I do have a photo of Michelle and I–scanned from my college days scrapbook–all dressed up before going out for the night:

And that my friends, is my true life–you can’t make this shit up–drag queen de-wigging story.

Hope you all enjoyed my little game! Thanks for playing!!

Related Posts:
Two Truths & A Lie
This One Time, At Beer Fest
Caution: Alcohol & Infomercials Do Not Mix