All Things Starbucks

As some of you know, this past year was not only the year I discovered blogging--it was also the year I discovered Starbucks. And in no time I went from a Starbucks virgin to a Starbucks regular, starting my "Starbucks Monday" tradition of kicking off the work week with a delicious caffeinated beverage. So this morning--as I lovingly caress the cardboard collar of a Grande Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte...Skinny--let's take a look back at my "first time."

The Last Starbucks Virgin?
Originally posted on 9/29/08

I received a Starbucks gift card as part of a birthday gift last week from my fabulous Seattle-living sister-in-law, Lesley. I’ve never been to a Starbucks before and was very excited about experiencing my first time, which--after careful consideration and much soul-searching--I decided would be today.

It’s a gloomy Monday morning in Madison, WI and while driving to my nearest Starbucks I was quite proud of my decision to start the work week off with a delicious cup of gourmet coffee. As I parked my car near the green mermaid sign I grew increasingly smug with my Monday morning Starbucks coffee run and decided I should start off every Monday morning this way for the rest of the year.

I have been craving pumpkin-flavored anything for weeks now and at the top of my list was pumpkin-flavored coffee. I’d heard Starbucks had an amazing Pumpkin Spice Latte which I was really excited to try…until this past weekend when--while flipping through a health magazine--I came across one of those "you could enjoy this" (insert unhealthy option here) "or all of this" (insert 5x more food here, but make it all healthy; bonus points for organic) articles. I discovered I could enjoy 1 Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte OR for the same amount of calories and fat I could enjoy 1 regular cup of coffee, 2 slices of pumpkin pie, 6 organic bran muffins, a cup of yogurt with blueberries on top, half a turkey sandwich, a salad with fat-free vinaigrette dressing, and 72 candy corns.

As I walk up to the Starbucks counter, mentally trying to figure out how I can somehow negotiate enjoying a Pumpkin Spice Latte and 72 candy corns for breakfast, I begrudgingly ask the woman at the counter, “Do you have any pumpkin-flavored coffee?”

Her answer: No. But we do have a Pumpkin Spice Latte.

Dammit.

Me: Could you tell me what exactly is in a latte?

She rattles off what makes a latte a latte and nowhere in her description do I heard the words skim, fat-free, low-fat, zero calorie, or organic.

Dammit again. I scan the menu of assorted caffeinated beverage options on the sign above me and--when I don’t recognize any of them--decide to just order blindly.

Me: I’ll just have a plain cup of coffee.
Her: What size?
Me: Large.

The collective gasp behind me, coupled with the counter lady’s look of confusion, reminds me what my years of pop culture education have taught me: We don’t speak English in Starbucks.

Total rookie mistake.

I attempt to recover by quickly adding, “Jumbo! Mucho! Grande!” but it’s too late. Before I know it, I’m dodging my next rapid-fire question:

Her: Rmfercreem?
Me: I beg your pardon?
Her: Duneedrmfercreem?
Me: Huh??
Her: Do. You. Need. Room. For. Cream?
Me: Oh! (I clear my throat, raise my chin, and reply with my last shred of dignity) Um…no. (ahem) No thank you.

And that’s when it hit me--losing my Starbucks virginity isn’t too far off from losing the real thing. You start out all smug and self-assured and end up all confused and wide-eyed looking for the nearest exit.

But wait--we’re not finished yet! At the beginning of my order the lady behind the counter had offered to add a little pumpkin-flavored syrup to my plain coffee to see if that would scratch my itch. I had happily accepted, “but not too much!” I told her. (Gotta save room for candy corn.) Now, as she handed me my Jumbo Plain Coffee with Not Too Much Pumpkin Syrup, I was fully aware she could tell this was my first time. She gave me my coffee and said with a smile, “If you don’t like this just bring it back and I’ll get you something different.”

Wait. Did I hear her right? Was I just given a satisfaction guarantee on this first time experience? An offer for a “take back” should I need one?

Where the hell was that years ago??

As I walked away--confidence slowly rebuilding now that I had a mermaid-emblazoned paper cup in my hand--I took a sip of my gourmet coffee and it was delicious. Thank you Starbucks! Thank you. Despite the confusion and self-doubt, I have to admit you treated me well and I’ll be back next Monday for Round 2. In the meantime, I promise to do some research and brush up on my coffee lingo. Because if there's one thing I do know, it's that practice makes perfect.


Interested in more Starbucks posts? Check these out!

Weekly Starbucks Adventure--Take 2
Some Chai for My Chi
Starbucks Monday
So Long Pumpkin, We'll Always Have October
My 2008 New Year's Resolution
Starbucks & I Are On a Break
Reunited and It Feels So Good