My Body after Baby

If you’re reading this it probably means I died. Or at least my ego did. And my vanity. Maybe I ate them? That could certainly explain things.

Let me back up a bit…

I gave birth to my daughter Kate in January--my proud exclamation point at the end of a truly amazing and wonderful pregnancy. I stayed really active during my pregnancy (another point of pride) and managed to gain less than 30 pounds, which I also managed to lose fairly quickly afterwards. YAY ME!

Yeah right.

Internet, meet my postpartum belly:

Me: 4 Months Postpartum

I was four months postpartum when I took this beauty of a self portrait. I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but looking NOTHING like my pre-pregnancy body.

I don’t even know what possessed me to take this picture--let alone share it with my Whores online friends mere moments later. I chalk it up to an incredible amount of frustration over having a body I didn’t even recognize, a need to vent, and the desire to test out the camera function on my new iPhone.

And now I’m (maybe…possibly…still haven’t hit “publish” yet…) sharing this picture with the world.

Here’s the deal--this picture was a real eye-opener for me. It was the digital proof I could not ignore that things had changed and I needed to change with them. This quickly became my action plan:

1. Buy new clothes THAT FIT and ignore the size on the tag.
   
2. Work out more often.
   
3. Eat better.

It's been three months since that first photo, and here’s where things are at today:


Me: 7 Months Postpartum

Now guess how much weight I lost between that first picture and this one...

NONE.

Not a single pound.

So what’s changed? Honestly, I think time has a lot to do with it. At four months postpartum my body still felt incredibly squishy and soft, and my belly was still sticking out so much that I actually took a pregnancy test because I’d convinced myself that was the only logical explanation for it! (Turns out I wasn’t having a second child--just still recovering from my first.) Over the past couple of months, however, things have finally started firming up a bit more and it’s beginning to feel like my old body again.

I’d love to tell you that I’ve been working out every day and eating better, but the truth is those are both things I’m still struggling to find the time, energy, and motivation to consistently do. The one thing I did follow through with was buying new clothes (mostly because that was the easiest, and I tend to prefer instant gratification over months of sweating and starvation). I think I was under the impression that trying to squeeze into my pre-pregnancy clothes would somehow motivate me to eventually fit into them, but in reality all it did was make me feel terrible about the way I looked. Once I got clothes that actually fit me, I began feeling so much better about my body!

I have to admit, I really wasn’t prepared for this. I thought losing the weight I’d gained during pregnancy would be the end of it, but clearly that isn't the case.

So this is where things are at with me, my belly, and my ego. The three of us still have some work to do, but we’re getting there. It just takes time.

Embrace the Camera

After writing my recent "day in my life" post for The Domestic Wannabe, I decided to check out the other moms' posts on her blog to compare notes and make sure I wasn't screwing things up too badly with Kate--and that's how I was introduced to Emily and her "Embrace the Camera" challenge. The concept is a sweet and simple one:

Take pictures of yourself with your children.

Emily's point is that as moms, we're typically behind the camera instead of in front of it. Think about it--how many photos do you have of you and your mom when you were little? I have tons of baby photos but I can only think of one picture that also has my mom in it. One!

I want more than that for Kate.

You may not like the way you look today, you may not be particularly enthralled with what you're wearing, or how your hair looks--but you know what? Your children don't care. And when they're all grown up, you're both going to cherish those photos together.

So here we are--me and my daughter, embracing the camera!


Kate: 7 Months

Kate: 6 Months

Kate turned 7 months old earlier this week! Here’s a look back over the past month when Kate was 6 months old:

Personalized onesie made by Amber from The Cotton Cupcake Shoppe.
The month kicked off with Kate’s 6 month pediatric appointment where we discovered that she is currently 28 ½” long (99.5th percentile!) and just shy of 16 lbs (38th percentile). Kate’s weight has always been on the low side, but thankfully this was her first appointment where her pediatrician wasn’t concerned about her weight, so that was good news! We also got the green light to start Kate on solid foods, which I was pretty excited about. The appointment ended with Kate getting her 6 month shots. She really had a tough time with them this round and on top of being fussy she also got her first fever, but thankfully she was back to her usual self within 24 hours.

Introducing Kate to solid foods has been quite the adventure! We thought it would take several feedings for her to get the hang of eating, but to our surprise she had it down (literally) by her 5th spoonful! We started her on rice cereal and added vegetables and fruits about a week later (we also introduced her to a sippy cup, but she’s more interested in playing with that right now than drinking out of it). So far she eats rice cereal, sweet potatoes (her current favorite), bananas, avocados, apples, and peas. With the exception of her cereal I’ve made all of her baby food which has been a learning experience, but also a lot of fun! Kate’s messiness while eating seems to depend on her mood. Sometimes she’ll make it through an entire meal without getting even a drop of food on her bib, and other times she’ll be covered in colorful puree from head to toe! She likes to grab the spoon from my hand and pretend to feed herself which I let her do because I think it’s a good learning experience. I’ll put a little dab of food on her spoon to see if she’ll make it to her mouth but usually it just ends up on the floor or on the wall, which certainly ups the mess factor! The hardest thing for us to figure out right now is the timing. Sometimes Kate will eat everything in her bowl, and other times she refuses to eat more than a few spoonfuls. We’re still working on the right combination of formula versus food and the best times of day for each. It’s so tricky!

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that Kate got tubes put in her ears earlier this month. She hasn’t had any ear infections yet (thank goodness!) but is at very high risk for them, so we’ve known since she was one week old that she would be getting ear tubes placed as soon as her little ear canals were big enough to fit them. The procedure went well (it was harder on us than on Kate, I’m sure) and her recovery has gone fairly smoothly too, so we’re very grateful for that.

Oh, who am I kidding?

It totally sucked and I ABSOLUTELY HATED that Kate had to go through it!

But on a brighter note, we didn’t have to wait too long to reap some of the benefits of the procedure--we’ve been so excited to introduce Kate to “swimming” and once her tubes were in we were finally able to! We recognized pretty early on that Kate really loves being in water. She always has so much fun when G and I give her baths--she just loves splashing and kicking, and doesn’t mind when water gets in her face. Earlier this month we went to G’s parents house and Grandma Pam had a little wading pool all set up for Kate in the backyard! G’s parents live on a lake and Kate had so much fun in her new wading pool that we decided to introduce her to the lake as well. She loved it! Here’s a video of Kate and Daddy playing in the lake for the first time--she’s all laughs! We’ve also enrolled Kate in swimming lessons, so she’s officially a “Little Dipper.” G and I took her to her first class last week and she did great!

Oh, how could I forget? Kate has also mastered sitting up! She had a pretty good start on the skill at five months old, but at six months old she really got it down. She no longer needs any assistance from us, so we can sit her on the floor, step away, and she’s totally fine. It’s so weird, funny, sad, amazing to see our tiny baby girl just sitting up all by herself and playing with her toys! Crawling seems like it’s right around the corner and we’re definitely not ready for that! She already army crawls and lunges around the room, and now she’s starting to get up on all fours and rock back and forth. She just needs to put it all together and she’ll be mobile--eek!

One of Kate’s newest things is touching my face. It’s the sweetest thing! She loves to reach out and touch my cheek which always makes me grin, and then I’ll tell her, “That’s what a smile feels like.” She is constantly exploring and learning with those little hands of hers! She will also now wrap her little arms around my neck when I’m holding her and I don’t think there could be a more incredible feeling in the whole entire world! I wish I could bottle it up and keep it forever.

Since Kate is so long she outgrew her infant carrier/carseat earlier this month, so two more “firsts” have been transitioning her to a convertible carseat, and a new forward facing stroller. She wasn’t phased by the carseat transition, although I do miss being able to carry her around in the carrier when we’re running errands. It was so convenient! And I have to admit, I also miss being able to see her face when we’re going for walks--although she certainly seems to love being able to look out at the world now!

One last thing--we finally got Kate's bedtime stretched to 6:30pm (it was 6pm) and she's now sleeping through the entire night for a grand total of 11.5-12 hours of sleep each night! Of course I'm still getting up at midnight, 1am, 4am, etc. to check on her, but at least one of us is finally sleeping through the entire night!

So many new and exciting things at six months old!

Returning To Work: Part 1

It’s been four months since I returned to work, and this post is something that still feels a little too soon for me to write. Too difficult. Too raw. I question if I have the right words to accurately capture what returning to work and being apart from my daughter felt like for me, and I know that I don't. Even now--only a minute into writing this post--the tears are already falling down my cheeks just thinking about it.

When Kate was 10 weeks old I realized that my maternity leave was quickly coming to an end and sweatpants were probably not going to qualify as appropriate work attire, so I planned an afternoon of shopping while G stayed home with Kate. I know I should have enjoyed my carefree afternoon out, but it was impossible. Every little girl I saw was Kate. It didn’t matter how old she was or what she looked like. They were all Kate in my eyes. Kate at two years old, Kate at nine years old, Kate with blond hair, Kate with black hair, Kate somehow turning into an Asian baby--they were all her.

But of course none of them were her.

And she wasn’t there with me.

With every child I saw, the dull ache that had entered my stomach the moment I left our house grew stronger and stronger. While browsing through some skirts, a baby next to me started to cry and hearing that knocked the wind right out of me. I was suddenly in so much pain that it nearly brought me to my knees. I ran out of the store hunched over with my hand clenching my poor aching stomach, and raced home to my baby. I arrived to find Kate sleeping soundly--just as she was when I had left--and the pain in my stomach instantly disappeared.

I'd been gone for less than two hours.

Hearing that, I'm sure you can imagine that returning to work didn’t work out so well for me. G stayed home with Kate during my first week back and that helped a lot, but the following week she started daycare and that was beyond difficult for me. Kate’s reflux was also at its worst during this time, which only added to my worries. Her feedings were so painful that she would cry and scream her way through them. It was absolutely heartbreaking and I was certain the idea of not being there to comfort her would kill me. I prayed that Kate’s feeding issues would be too much for our daycare provider (Miss Debb) to handle and she’d give us her notice. Oh how I prayed!

Kate only went to daycare for half-days during her first week because we thought it would be better to ease her me into it. We also agreed that G would be the one to drop Kate off and I’d leave work early to pick her up. That first morning when Greg walked out the door with Kate on her way to daycare, I nearly lost my mind. I cried all morning long, all through work, and the entire way to Debb’s house. The routine was repeated the next day and the next.

I wanted to hate daycare. I wanted to hate Miss Debb. I wanted to hate her house. I wanted to hate the other kids there. I wanted any excuse--ANY--to say, “This isn’t working out” and quit my job and keep Kate home with me.

On the third day that I picked Kate up from daycare, I walked into Miss Debb’s house to once again find Kate as happy as could be on Debb’s lap, watching the other children, toys, laughter, and fun scattered everywhere she looked. She loves it here, I reluctantly realized. She doesn’t get this kind of stimulation when she’s home all day with just me. As much as I wanted to hate daycare and as much as I wanted it to not work out, it suddenly dawned on me that we’d be taking something away from Kate if we pulled her from Miss Debb's.

As comforting as it was to recognize that daycare was actually a good thing for Kate, I still wasn’t handling it well. I promised G I wouldn’t make any rash decisions about work during my first month back to allow for an adjustment period, but even after a month I was still really struggling. I still cried every morning when Kate left for daycare and I couldn’t focus on my job at all. I’d sit in meetings, look at the people around me, but not really see them. All I could see was Kate. Each blink of my eyes pulled a new image into my mind like snapshots of her were burned into the backs of my eyelids. I’d tuck my hair behind my ear and think of the dry patch of skin behind Kate's ear and did I remember to put the cream on it this morning? It was weeks before I could put her pictures up in my office and even then each glance at them was like a punch to my stomach. I’m sitting at my desk looking at pictures of my baby when I could be home playing with her.

I was in pain. Actual physical pain that only disappeared when I was reunited with my child. Everyone kept saying, “It’ll get easier. It’ll get easier!” But it wasn’t getting easier, and I was beginning to think all my friends were liars...

Continue reading Returning to Work: Part 2.

A Day in My Life

“I bet she just lies around the house all day, eating Nerds, and making G do all the cleaning.”

“She probably drops Kate off at daycare and spends her days shopping.”

“I wonder if she spends hours organizing Kate’s onesies by size and color.”

“I bet she never showers or puts on clean clothes. That’s probably why she doesn’t post pictures of herself on her blog anymore.”

Admit it.

You wonder what the hell I do all day.

Well here’s your chance to find out! Check out my guest post today on The Domestic Wannabe for a very exciting play-by-play of how I spent a recent Sunday.

And in response to the above:

1. Do you think if this were true G would agree to hiring a professional cleaner? Because arrangements could be made...
   
2. Never gonna happen.
   
3. Not since I was pregnant. I do, however, still spend a significant amount of time admiring them, smelling them, and laying them across my belly as if Kate were still in there. You know--the normal stuff.
   
4. Okay fine, this one's true.

Blacking Out

One essential ingredient to getting your newborn to sleep well is room darkening shades. Around Kate's fourth month of age two things happened--we moved her to her crib and she started becoming more aware of her surroundings. I decided it was a good time to get some room darkening shades to help Kate with her daytime naps and her before sunset bedtime. I scoured the internet for either a darkening liner that I could attach to her current bamboo shade or even a second set of darkening shades that I could hang underneath what she currently has, but I found it impossible to find anything that was the right size, or even close to being affordable.

Time for my first post-baby DIY project!

I went to JoAnn Fabrics where I picked up some black-out lining on sale for less than $5. The width of the fabric turned out to be exactly the measurement I needed lengthwise for my window, so my window width became my cut measurement.

I removed Kate's current shade and placed it face down on the kitchen island:


Then I laid the black-out material over the shade and trimmed off any excess:


As you can see, I didn't bother with ironing because honestly, who's going to see it? Besides, the fabric is a lightweight vinyl kind of fabric, so I can't imagine it's that easy to iron without melting. Nobody wants that kind of mess.

Pinning fabric to wood isn't the easiest of tasks, so I marked little x's on one row at the top of the shade to make sure my fabric stayed lined up as I worked:


Next, I used leftover embroidery floss from my DIY upholstered headboard project, and a curved upholstery needle to sew the lining to the shade. I used brown floss and put the stitch around the thinnest band of wood in the blinds--right in between the brown stitching that's already on there so it would blend in unnoticed--and just knotted off the tails:


I found when installing a privacy liner (that I overpaid for!) to the back of the bamboo roman shade in our master bedroom that it's important to secure the fabric not only to the top and sides of your blinds, but also all throughout the middle. If you skip securing the lining throughout the middle of your shades your lining fabric will puddle and hang down below the bottom of your shade when your shades are open. Not pretty. So next I got to work stitching the fabric all throughout the shade:


Be sure to keep the cords of your shade straight and out of the way while you do this--you don't want to accidentally catch them while you're sewing.

A rehang of my shade, and the task was complete!


I'd show you an "after" photo of the new and improved shade actually doing its job and blacking out the room but...well...the room is blacked out.

So there you have it--an easy DIY room darkening shade for under $5 and completed in less time than it takes to drink two glasses of wine! (I timed it.)