Oprah Day!

Did you see me on Oprah’s Farewell Season Premiere today?!?!

‘Cuz I was totally on it.

But before we get to that, let’s back it up. Jill and I arrived at Harpo Studios (Oprah’s home away from home–and I may or may not have set up my own little sleeping area there, too) at 10am. The check-in line went quickly and soon we were escorted to a holding room where all the audience members had to hang out and stare at each other for an hour prior to being seated in the studio. I have no idea what the purpose of this process was, but honestly who cares? IT WAS OPRAH DAY!

The holding area was a long narrow room lined with rows of chairs and oversized pictures of Oprah with some of her favorite guests on the wall: John Travolta, Valentino, Tina Turner, Nelson Mandela, the Sex and the City girls…and Barry Manilow.

Barry Manilow?

Every time I saw that Barry Manilow picture I couldn’t help but sing the, “One of these things is not like the other…” song from Sesame Street in my head.

Finally our hour wait time was up and the Oprah staff members–who were wonderful by the way (except the one who asked if I was pregnant–she can go to hell)–announced it was time to start seating us in the studio. “But first,” they announced, “we’re going to call a few names and if we call the name your party’s reservation is under, please come to the front of the room.”

Jill and I looked at each other. “Ooooh, what could this be about?” we excitedly wondered as they started calling off names, and groups of attractive, beautifully dressed women started heading toward the front of the room.

Pffft…figures, I thought as I stood there disgruntled and realizing these were the people who were going to get prime seating. “They don’t even look surprised,” I said to Jill. “They must’ve known ahead of time that their names would be called.”

And then we heard it:

“Dusty R_______.”

Jill and I stared at each other in disbelief! They picked us. US! We cheered and celebrated and didn’t make any attempt at playing it cool as we made our way through the crowd of people toward the front of the room, applied our lip gloss, and became part of the hand-selected few to get prime–potentially on-camera–audience seating.

But let’s be honest–there wasn’t a bad seat in the house. The studio was surprisingly small and intimate, and soon the audience was perfectly placed and it was time for the audience warm-up.

Meet Sally Lou Loveman.

Look up “charisma” in the dictionary and I’m pretty sure you’ll find the photo, email address, and personal cell phone number of Sally Lou Loveman. This woman oozes charisma like she’s never had a facial. She was the staff person who warmed up the crowd, and honestly, she could have had her own show; Jill and I loved her!

Soon, it was Oprah time.

(Please pause for dramatic effect.)

Oprah.

(Pause. Drama. Drama.)

Oprah!

(Audience applause!!!!)

In she walked: Oprah. Looking beautiful, and important, and incredibly interested in my personal life story.

Oprah.

She was wearing a leopard or cheetah print (I’m sorry, I don’t speak animal) pencil skirt, an orange-ish/rust-ish colored top with a tie at the neck, and a brown cardigan. She looked fantastic. She really did–and you know I was trying to pick out the flaws.

She walked in wearing slipper flats and accepting audience praise and attention and hysterics, said hello, and then stood center stage reading notes for the day’s taping while a cast member removed her flats and replaced them with high-heeled Christian Louboutin’s.

Oprah’s comments about her shoes when the cameras weren’t rolling was probably my favorite part of the day:

“I’ve got about ten more minutes in these shoes,” she told staff members while they fussed to get things ready for a scene they wanted to film with Oprah standing.

“These shoes were made for sitting,” she later confided to the audience when once again she was being asked to stand but preferred to sit.

Other Oprah Favorite Moments included when she first took center stage and a staff member was fussing over the tie on the front of her shirt. “Come on!” she teased, “Hooooow many waaaaays can you tiiiiie a bow?” And then she turned to the audience and joked, “I’ve dressed myself for how many years?”

The show was great (it was about the ABC TV series Modern Family) but without question all my favorite moments were those times the cameras weren’t rolling. I loved listening to Oprah’s side conversations with her staff members and her chats with the audience (“You look just like you do from my couch,” she kidded.)

The show could have been a live show it honestly ran that smoothly. There were no “CUT!”s and no “Let’s shoot that again”s. It was amazingly suave and efficient. When the taping was finished–quite possibly exactly one hour from the time the taping had begun–Oprah kicked off her Louboutin’s, relaxed, and chatted with the audience.

And here’s where I admit I was never exactly Oprah’s biggest fan.

Oh, don’t get me wrong! I have the greatest admiration for her philanthropy, I’m beyond impressed with her career, and I fully realize that attending a taping of her show was a once in a lifetime opportunity–I was just never what you’d consider an Oprah fanatic.

But now I might be.

I could have kicked off my own shoes and listened to Oprah talk–off camera, and uncensored–forever. This was when I got it.

I get it.

I GET IT PEOPLE!

This woman is truly amazing. There’s no other word for it. She talked about her upcoming Kennedy Center Honors this December, when she will be honored for her work as a performing artist along with the likes of Paul McCartney:

“Paul McCARTNEEEEEEEEEEY,” she yelled in amazement, her “E”s sounding more like “A”s.

“If you’re watching that night,” she said, “I assure you that I will behave–because that is what I do–but know that I will be coming OUT OF MY SKIN!!”

“Paul McCARTNEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!”

“I had the biggest crush on Paul McCartney,” Oprah went on to explain. “Growing up, I had posters of him all over my wall and I dreamed about marrying him. I was just a black girl from Milwaukee with a mother on welfare, and Paul McCartney was a Beatle!!…and now we’re being honored on the same day.”

If that doesn’t inspire you, you need to check your pulse.

Oprah continued answering audience questions (her middle name is Gail) but all too soon, our Oprah Day had come to an end.

I reluctantly reveal that we did not receive anything for an audience giveaway (quite possibly the most asked question I’ve had since announcing I was at the show), but I’m fully aware that just the opportunity to be at the taping of an Oprah show–and the opportunity to sit and listen to Oprah, up close and personal–is an amazing gift all on its own.

Plus I got to be on network TV.

Like I said in the beginning, Jill and I made it in the Oprah Farewell Season Premiere episode! Oprah filmed a short clip for her premiere on the day that we were there, so you can actually see us in the clip where Oprah is surprising the middle school teacher. Look for us at about the 36 minute mark when Oprah is saying, “Hello Hesket Middle Schoolers!” We’re just over her left shoulder.

You’d probably get a better view of us if it wasn’t for Oprah being in the way.

Camera hog.

If you missed today’s episode, you’ll quite likely be seeing a lot of us when the Modern Family Episode we were at airs on Wednesday, September 29th. I’ll be the pregnant-looking one in the turquoise cardigan, and Jill is sitting to my right with short, blonde, curly hair and a solid orange top. I’m pretty sure we’ll be over Oprah’s left shoulder in every shot when she’s talking to the camera to her guests who are appearing via satellite.

And finally (is anyone still reading?) here we are on Oprah Day! Cameras weren’t allowed inside Harpo Studios, so Jill and I had to take pictures outside:

Giving my best “O” face outside the Oprah Store across the street.

Okay, fine. I do look pregnant. But that hooker can still kiss my ass.

Even though we didn’t win the trip to Australia, we still love you Oprah! But seriously, our calendars are wide open and our passports are valid–call us.

Update: Check out my All Things G&D Facebook page for a screen shot of Jill and I on Oprah’s Farewell Season Premiere!