I once went two weeks without talking to G because I was mad at him for scratching our dining room table.
EAT
Here’s the thing you need to know about our dining room table: it is, without question, my most prized possession in our home.
When we first bought this house and I decided to make the front half of our great room a formal dining room, I had a vision–a vision that started with the perfect table.
My envisioned dining room table was made of solid wood, had a rich black finish, clean lines, and the ability to stretch to the far ends of the room and seat everyone in my family both now and for generations to come. I spent months searching for this perfect table and disappointed many furniture sales people when I refused to compromise with a table whose lines, finish, or size just weren’t quite right.
I had a vision.
I was bound and determined to have the table of my dreams and had convinced myself that our house would not be a home without it. Eventually, I reluctantly realized that my dream table did not yet exist.
So I had it made.
Finally my perfectly pictured and long sought after table became a reality and took its proper place in our home.
My vision had begun.
My vision that started with the perfect dining room table continued with decades of home-cooked family meals, and ended with this table being passed down to my children and their children and their children–a family heirloom around which countless amounts of wine, conversation, love, and butter were devoured. In my mind I was going to be my generation’s Nora Walker* and all my future children and grandchildren would flock to this table on a regular basis–our family’s touchstone–and not one single problem would go unsolved once elbows were resting on that perfectly polished jet black wood…
PRAY
My relationship with God has historically been once of convenience. Unless there was a missed period, a spider, or the police involved, I pretty much had no use for the guy. Occasionally conversations about religion would come up and I’d be asked, “Do you believe in God?”
“Of course,” I’d automatically reply, just like I’d reply “The Packers” if someone asked me to name my favorite football team, even though I’m not a football fan. I live in Wisconsin. That is the expected answer, and the truth is I never cared enough to give it more thought than that.
My feelings about spirituality changed dramatically once Kate was born. For me, it became absolutely impossible to be gifted a child and not believe in a higher power.
My ongoing dialogue with God began the day she was born and hasn’t stopped since. I thank Him every single day for her and ask for guidance to be the best parents we can be. When it comes to praying, I try to be genuinely thoughtful and ask for support in specific areas depending on how our day went–patience, energy, perseverance, a sense of humor–whatever we seem to be most in need of at the time. But there is one thing I ask for each and every single time I pray: knowledge and understanding.
I like to pray with Kate in my arms as I rock her before bedtime. I was doing just that one night when Kate was about six months old as we (among other things) prayed: “Please give Mommy and Daddy the patience…energy…sense of humor…and knowledge and understanding that we need to be the kind of parents Kate deserves.”
A couple of hours later as I was settling into my own bed, lights off and thoughts focused solely on the softness of my comforter and the coolness of my pillow, I heard it.
I heard it as clear as day.
I heard it as strongly as if someone was standing next to my bed and speaking directly into my ear.
“Sell the dining room table. Kate needs room to play.”
Not since the night before I took my pregnancy test, when I already knew–even after months of failed results–that I was pregnant before the test told me so had I ever been so certain of anything in my life.
Prior to that moment, selling our dining room table was something I had not once considered–and certainly not something I ever thought I’d do! Yet suddenly it made perfect sense. As Kate was growing increasingly mobile she was already running out of space in our living room. Kate needs room to play more than I need a formal dining room, I realized.
My urge to get rid of our table so Kate would have extra room to play was suddenly so strong that it was all I could do not to jump out of bed and list it on Craigslist that instant!
So that’s what I did.
I sold my beloved table (for a fraction of its worth) on Craigslist.
Because God told me to.
Love
When news got out that I’d sold our dining room table my friends were astounded. “But Dusty, you love that table!” they exclaimed.
“Not as much as I love Kate,” I replied all zen-like and assured.
That table had represented my vision of the perfect family life…but not anymore. I realized that having ample room for my child to move around was more important to me than perfect meals around a perfect table. Room for Kate’s toys in the space where we spend most of our time as a family easily became more important than the ability to seat up to 12 people for a once-a-year holiday meal.
Now I had a new vision.
A vision of a home that proudly says “children live here” the moment you walk in the door.
A vision of rooms where kids can laugh and play and be kids and not have to worry about off-limit items.
A vision where people hold more value than things, and I never again go two weeks without speaking to someone I love over a stupid scratch in a table.
Thank you God, for teaching me this lesson.
*Nora Walker is the smothering yet lovable mother of five (played by Sally Field) in the TV series Brothers & Sisters who I idolize for her endless supply of wine and her ability to whip together gourmet meals at a moment’s notice when all five of her kids just so happen to drop by for dinner…every week.
What a wonderful post and a great story to tell you daughter as she gets older.
Awesome story and what a GREAT mother you are!
What a beautiful post from a wonderful mother. Kate is very blessed to have you.
Oh, that was a wonderful thing for you to do! I would have crossed state lines for that table had I seen it on CL. Can’t wait to see what you do to make it more of kid-friendly room
It is a beautiful table but i completly understand where you are coming from. We dont have kids yet but when we do i want to have our house feel like a home. Not a place where they cant move or play. I think wise choice.
A lovely post and a sweet story. I think you made the best decision!
I love hearing about people changing societal expectations to better suit their family. Congratulations on becoming closer to GOD.
Great post! This is lame, but I was excited to see your reference to Nora — I just got into Brothers & Sisters last month. I’ve been watching it on Netflix; I’m currently on Season 3. I don’t have any siblings, so it kind of makes me feel like I’m part of a big, dysfunctional family.
I sold our pub height table on a whim on CL after G was born, too. But not because God told me.
My butt did!!
Best post ever! You make me smile, D. Miss you!
What a great post!
WELL. Now we need pictures of this awesome new playspace for Kate.
You’re a fantastic mom. What a lucky little lady she is.
This may be my first time commenting on your blog – I can’t quite remember as I’ve been reading and following for a while now.
What an absolutely beautifully written post and wonderful story. Just wanted to tell you that. :0)
Having a child has also inspired me to get firmer in my faith, and your testimony came right on time. Thanks for sharing.
I agree with Beth. Best.Post.Ever
Can I come over and play?
Beautful story. Thanks for sharing. I’ll be praying that God blesses you and Greg and Kate with precious times and memories in your new play room.
This is wuch a sweet story. If I did that for my (future) children, I would hold it over their heads and remind them “I gave up my table for you!”
(kinda like the Charlotte/Harry “I gave up Christ for you!” situation)
Can I get an AMEN?!
Wow, what a great post. Very, very beautiful and perfectly said. You are such a good writer.
Absolutely beautiful.
xoxo
Kate
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Very interesting, and good for you! I wonder if you will tell us about the having the table made part. Or is it just over?
You can have your Nora table someday again, if you want it.
jbhat
This post was wonderful!! I’m not a parent yet but I often think about how I’ll change as a person when that day comes. I already love our children more than anything and they don’t even exist, so I can’t begin to imagine how much that love will grow when they’re here.
I talk to god as much as I can remember to. And even though it makes me calm and happy when I do, I can’t seem to do it consistently. Something I’ll always be working on I suppose!
Thanks again for the post, Dusty! Thanks for letting us be a part of your life! <3
Isn’t it amazing how things that were once so important to us lose their importance once a child comes into our lives? New clothes, designer purses, sleep and time to myself are all out the window now that I am a mom. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love your post. Thanks for sharing it with us.
What a beautiful thing. It is so amazing once we open our hearts to God and allow him to work in our lives.
but but but… don’t you have four bedrooms?!?!? I bet it will look great as a playroom but we use our table for every meal! I can’t imagine getting rid of it. Can’t wait to see pics!!!
Love this! Isn’t it amazing how the smallest things in life really are the most important? God is so good to care about the details.:)
It is amazing how our lives change and eventually revolve around our children. I am sure that once in your life you just couldn’t imagine doing something like getting rid of a prized possesion
~for a child of all things! Iv’e had to make decisions before that were very difficult, but I always think to myself~~If my child isn’t good enough to be invited/join in/ or do something, then I don’t need any part of it either. Things are replaceable, you had the table made once and it can be made again. Memories with your child and family are not replaceable. Good job D!!
I think it’s amazing, that not only are you connecting with God, but you would literally give up anything for your child. I giggle when I look at bio’s and pictures of people’s homes pre-baby… the good ‘ole days… but not really. I’d rather have toys all over and this unorganized chaos over a perfect home any day, and it sounds like you would as well.
I loved your Eat, Pray, Love story and your mention of Nora Walker. I love the show.
Gosh I love you
Great post!
Just beautiful, Dusty. This is one of the most unschmarmily spiritual posts I’ve ever read.
This made me cry! What a sweet story!
This is so sweet!
Beautiful story! We just signed a contract on our house that was our very symbol of success. When we lost everything over the past few years, we held onto the house, hoping it would bring things back.
It’s so freeing to sign that piece of paper, and leave something that was never important to begin with.
I follow your blog, but rarely if ever comment.
This post is so beautiful and touching, it nearly brought me to tears. My little guy is 6.5 months and starting to get more mobile. As much as we want a neat house, I’ve decided I would rather have a HOME that is inviting to adults and children alike.
Great story!
This post made me cry. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you so much for this post! It was absolutely beautiful. Your Kate is a very lucky little girl.
Can’t help but look at that photo and think that toys AND the table could have peacefully co-existed! Maybe that’s just me since our dining room table is the only table we have and is a non-negotiable in my tiny house!
I LOVE this. I say prayers every night with my 3 year old, and most times, he is either fiddling with something or try to talk over me or whatever it is, but I always say them anyway, even though I figured he never paid much attention. Until one night I was downstairs listening to him on the baby monitor and there he was, reciting our prayers, word for word. He really does listen! It was awesome
Oh wow. Such a powerful, amazing story! Thank you for sharing! I’m so happy for you! (I have two little ones and I’m still learning so very much.)
Thank you so much for all your wonderful comments everyone!
I LOVE this post and will be stealling an excerpt from it as my mantra “A vision of a home that proudly says “children live here” the moment you walk in the door.”
And I LOVE Nora!!!
What a beautifully written post D. Just gorgeous. I’m in tears.
Probably one of my favorite posts of yours EVER. You are a fantastic mom D. For reals; uber fantastic and loving and ridiculously amazing in your own right. Having Kate put you into the stratosphere of amazing-person-hood. xoxo
Thank you so much everyone. Your feedback has been so touching!
This post made me smile so much! You are an amazing woman and mother! I sure have missed reading your blog, so I am playing major catchup!
Oh, D. What a fantastic post. You’re the best. I miss you already.
Thank you Amber and Colleen!
I know this post is from a couple of years ago, but it is just what I needed today. We are actually in the process of selling our dining room set on CL for the same reason. Our kids are 8 and 10 and we want it to be a game/movie room for them and their friends. Great post!
Thank you so much, Kim! It’s been a few years since we sold the dining room table, and I’ve never regretted it – not for one single moment. Good luck selling yours! I’m sure your kids will be thrilled to have a new game/movie room!