That is what I have to keep reminding myself.
G and I leave for Seattle tomorrow morning, and I’m feeling a feeling very unfamiliar to me. That feeling is ANXIETY.
I’ve got to admit, I’m not a fan.
I’m usually not one to worry about anything. I think it’s a pointless, worthless waste of time. But factor Kate into the mix–specifically, me being away from Kate–and I’m a bundle of nerves. Make it G and I both being away from Kate at the same time and I need tranquilizers. I don’t know why! We’re leaving her in the hands of Grandma Pam, the most caring and competent caregiver we could ever hope to have for our child. There is absolutely NOTHING to worry about…and yet, I can’t turn it off.
I’m a control freak. And when I’m anxious I turn into an even bigger control freak.
If you’ve ever tried to work with me, plan an event with me, or marry me, you might think it’s impossible that my need to control everything around me could ever be worse.
Oh I assure you, it can.
For starters, I make lists.
I’m a list-maker anyway, but toss a little anxiety into my control tornado and I take list making to a whole ‘nother level. I make lists about the lists I need to make! Today (Tuesday; less than 48 hours before we
die go to Seattle) I made a list of all the things I absolutely still need to accomplish before we go, prioritized by importance to Kate, and then broken down by time of day (Tuesday afternoon, Tuesday night, Wednesday morning…).
And then I gave each task a time limit.
Here is just a sampling of my list of things that I absolutely must do before we leave for Seattle:
- Make a batch of veggie muffins for Kate
- Make a double batch of blueberry protein pancakes for Kate
- Stock the house with fruit for Kate
- Buy another gallon of milk for Kate
- Make Kate’s favorite popcorn
- Write Kate’s 25 Month post
- Write Kate’s 26 month post
- Organize Kate’s inside activities
- Do a write up of everything Kate needs, likes, feels, does, etc.
- Make Oreo truffles for Pam and my friend
- Mail a care package to my friend
- Make Spicy Black Bean Salad for Pam
- Wash the bedding in the guest room for Pam
- Clean the bathrooms
- Put my clothes away
- Stock my wine rack
- Stop at the bakery
- Find the perfect pair of walking shoes
- Return all the un-cute walking shoes I just ordered from Zappos
- …and all those jeans I just ordered from Piperlime.
- Paint my nails.
- Charge all of the batteries ever made for anything.
- Buy gallon-sized Ziploc bags
- Wash my car
- Test drive a Toyota
- Draft an “if we die” email and schedule it to send on Monday in case we don’t return
- Get a new iPhone
- Make a video of everything I want to teach Kate, like Michael Keaton did in that one movie
- Eat all of the leftovers in the fridge
So far I’ve completed numbers 1, 2, 3, 9, 10, 12, 17, and 24.
Yes, buying gallon-sized Ziploc bags got prioritized over putting my clothes away and getting a new iPhone. WE WERE OUT OF THOSE ZIPLOC BAGS IN THE HOUSE! What if, when Pam is here taking care of Kate during the 4 days that we’re gone, she needs a gallon-sized Ziploc bag for some LIFE THREATENING EMERGENCY?!!
They’ll be there.
In the drawer right next to the gallon-sized Ziploc freezer bags, and the quart-sized freezer bags, and the sandwich-sized bags, and the snack-sized bags.
BECAUSE I’M ON IT.
There will be no life-threatening Ziploc bag emergency while we’re gone. Not on my watch.
Numbers 6 and 7 absolutely must happen because what if I die (I’m going to Seattle–not dying!) and I wasn’t caught up on writing Kate’s monthly posts? She’d be all, “What the hell?! My monthly posts stop at 24 months, but I was 27 months old when she died! Clearly she didn’t love me.” Which we all know is NOT TRUE because I love Kate more than anything I’ve ever loved, liked or admired–COMBINED!–but this is where my Crazy Anxiety Brain takes me. And it also explains #29. And the sculpture of her face that I’m currently whittling out of a pine tree in the back yard, which did not make the narrowed down list of 30 things above, but is very much a part of my unabridged list of 1,586 things I WILL accomplish before 8:00am tomorrow morning when we leave town.
Number 9: six pages.
That’s all I’m saying.
While I may be a list-making, control-crazed, overbearing Mom in need of psychotropic medications now, I have to admit, somewhere in there, Normal Dusty is really looking forward to this trip. Here’s my list (!) of things I’m most excited about:
- Seeing G’s sister Lesley and her boyfriend Ben–the reason we’re going to Seattle!
- Spending quality time with G, just the two of us.
- Not having a schedule we need to stick to!
- Getting drunk at lunch.
- Visiting the very first Starbucks ever created!
- Did I mention no schedule?
- Sleeping in.
- Going to Pike Place Market.
- Starbucks again!
- Meeting one of my favorite blog commenters, jbhat!
“jbhat” has been commenting on my blog for years and I knew instantly that she and I were meant to be friends. She is so funny and smart and clever, and when I found out she lived in Seattle, I knew we had to meet up on this trip. We’re getting together for coffee on Friday morning, and I’m practically dying with excitement to meet her!
And then I remind myself:
I’m going to Seattle–NOT DYING!
Want to know how I handle being away from Kate, meeting total strangers, and getting drunk at lunch? Like All Things G&D on Facebook to follow along with my vacation updates!