Written during my 6th week of pregnancy.
Several years ago I had a dream that I drove to work and put in a few hours at my desk before realizing I had forgotten to drop my daughter off at daycare. I panicked, ran out to the parking lot, and there she was–sleeping in her carseat, safe and sound. And I was a hysterical wreck ready to call Social Services on myself.
Since I didn’t have children yet, my stand-in daughter for my dream was actually my co-worker’s daughter Malia. The next day at work I told Malia’s mom about my dream and apologized profusely for dream forgetting her in my car and not dream dropping her off at dream daycare. And then I asked the question I’ve asked so many child bearing and rearing women:
“Do you ever forget you have a child?”
I have this fear that one day I’ll have a newborn child sleeping soundly upstairs in the crib–and I’ll just walk out the door to run errands like I normally do, not realizing I left my sleeping child home alone until I pass the baby food aisle at the grocery store.
The resounding answer I hear over and over again is “NO! There is no way in the world you ever forget you have a child!” followed by assurances that I shouldn’t worry, and things like that will NEVER happen.
Which leads me to my next question: “Do you ever forget you’re pregnant?”
Obviously I know that I’m pregnant. Just like I know I’m a girl. And that I’m right-handed. And that wine is my best friend, we’re just on a break right now. But unlike all these other things, being pregnant is not something that’s embedded in my mind yet.
These other things–and all the little details that go along with them–are inherently in me. When I walk into a bathroom, I sit to pee. When I want to jot down a note, I grab the pen with my right hand. When I’m thirsty, I open a bottle of wine. All of this happens automatically. No thinking required.
Being pregnant, however, is something that requires me to think almost non-stop. I frequently need to remind myself that I’m growing human life. A few days after finding out I was pregnant I walked into the kitchen with the intention of grabbing a beer from the fridge. Luckily I was mid-island when the voice of reason in my head reminded me, “Dusty! You’re pregnant!” and I grabbed a V8 instead. Another time that voice of reason wasn’t quite so quick–I was half-way through a ham sandwich before the internal alarm went off. I spit out my ham mid-chew and ran to Google “ham disease in week 5 of pregnancy.”
So you see–contrary to what other mothers have told me, I’m just a little bit skeptical of my ability to keep these things in the front and center of my mind. So far I could be doing better. Maybe once I have a big pregnancy belly or more persistent pregnancy symptoms it’ll be easier to remember that I need to watch what I eat and do. But I do know one thing is for certain–when I go back to work after my maternity leave the screensaver message on my computer will be: IS YOUR CHILD IN THE BACKSEAT OF YOUR CAR??
I’m not taking any chances.
ham disease???!
I have a 6 year old, and let me assure you, that while there are certainly times I would like to forget I have a child, it is a very hard thing to do Whatever you do, don’t stress yourself about it, you’re going to be a wonderful mom! Plus, stress is worse for the baby than ham disease!!
Lol, I love that peeing and pouring a glass of wine are inherently a part of you. It’s why I love you. You’re going to be a fantastic mom, but I know that I’m going to forget something nagging feeling that occurs from time to time (not baby related for me yet). Your screen saver will be a big help – or at least will have you exercising sending you out to check the backseat of your car every 5 minutes!
I think last year Oprah had a woman on her show who forgot her infant in the backseat of her car, and went in to work for the whole day. Sadly her baby passed away…so yes, these things do happen. It’s funny you posted about this dream, because last night I had a similar dream where I forgot my baby at the supermarket. And since I don’t have a baby, in my dream it was my sister-in-law’s baby! The screensaver is an idea! But I’m sure you will be careful, and you will be great.
I keep forgetting I have kids but then they come back home and ruin it(insert rim shot here)
But my kids are “adults” so that might have something to do with it! You’ll be fine D, and you won’t forget your kid.
I had to laugh about your ham sandwich freak out. I threw out all of the processed meat in our house and my husband thought I was nuts. At my next doctor’s appoint, which the Hubster attended, he asked her what the deal was with no lunch meat. Here’s what she said:
As long as you’re not eating lunch meat in a third world deli, you’ll be fine. Today’s lunch meats have so many preservatives in them anyway that listeria is almost nonexistent.
I quit reading pregnancy magazines after that and just decided to avoid the biggies: alcohol, raw fish, and non-pasteurized cheeses. I was incredibly healthy as was my kid when he was born. (I even had a cup of coffee each day!)
Always remember that women have been having babies for millions of years, and that your own body is the best barometer for what’s good for you.
You’re going to be just fine!
LOL D…you are so cute. There was one time when I took one of the boys to Walmart and almost walked off without him. That was when they were still infants. It is a strange adjustment…being pregnant and becoming a parent…but you are going to be great. And I LOL’d at ham disease.
My parents left me home one time while they went out and I turned out fine! Okay, maybe that’s up to debate, but I think I turned out fine.
I love reading your blog every morning! Thank you for the laugh=)
You are TOO funny! While I haven’t forgot my lil love bug yet, I have had two friends forget their little one’s. But it was more of a matter of they thought the other parent had them – lol!
Not to freak you out, but my mom and mother-in-law both called me frantically after watching the Oprah show where the mother DID forget her kid in the car all day. (The woman was in a hurry and stressed and it wasn’t her normal routine to have her baby with her in the morning.)
But! I have never forgotten Ethan. The thought of accidentally leaving him somewhere is so bone-chilling that I don’t imagine I could ever do it.
However, I did the whole lunch-meat thing. I promise you won’t get ham disease. In fact, I’m confident that I will knowingly eat cold lunch meat in my next pregnancy.
You have basically articulated everything I feel/think about. I don’t have kids yet (nor am I pregnant yet) but reading this post is like reading something I’d write. Ha! Good luck!
Hello there, I love your blog! I am new to the blogging world & recently stubled across your blog…I just never had the courage to post now!
Even though I am not pregnant (yet!), I have the EXACT same fear about leaving my child in the car! It’s a horrible thing to hear the news about parents who forget to drop their kids at daycare & have their child die…so sad & terrifying! For some crazy reason, it’s happening more & more lately!
Several ideas that I have read about are:
Always leave your purse or cell phone in the backseat with the baby so you have to at least go to the back & get it & voila…you then see your baby still there!
You could also leave a reminder with you in the front seat such as a teddy bear or toy to trigger your memory about your baby in the back.
I found some other tips here: http://www.examiner.com/x-7550-Child-Safety-Examiner~y2009m6d18-Tips-to-help-parents-remember-their-child-is-in-the-car-and-prevent-hyperthermia-tragedies
Best wishes to you & your hubby on your pregnancy! CONGRATS!
I’m so glad I’m not the only one experiencing such thoughts while pregnant. Thanks for making me seem half normal.
I have twin 4 yr olds I have never forgot them or left them in their bed and ran to the store.(I did do that once when I was babysitting, I got all the way out of the drive way and realize it.) But never have I forgot my own. When it’s yours something kicks in. Before the babies started kicking I did kinda wonder if I was crazy and had made it up in my mind but I gained weight rapidly so that was my reminder early on.
I don’t have a child nor do I have any plans to conceive in the near future, but I always equate being a parent with being a pet owner. I know – HUGE difference, but somethings are the same. I never forget I have the dogs. I never forget to crate them when I leave, so I don’t worry about forgetting my future child. I think the worries are normal, but I’m sure you’ll be a great momma.
Haha great post! I would imagine that early in your pregnancy, it would be pretty easy to forget you were pregnant. The bump will be a good reminder, when you’re further along.
As for forgetting a baby, I hear they’re pretty loud
Once, I forgot to put on a bra before going to work.
What I’m trying to say is, you’re not an idiot like me. Oh and a bra is different from a baby, so I wholeheartedly believe you would never forget your baby. You will be a WONDERFUL mother, D!!
Until I have a little bambino, I’m totally stealing your screensaver idea so that I don’t forget my lunch in the backseat.
I totally have the same fears. But, I think he or she will become even more important than wine. So, you’ll never forget.
But, you cannot eat ham? I didn’t know that..
LOL too funny! (And don’t worry about the ham thing, they don’t even “teach” that here in England.)
I don’t think I’ve ever forgotten one of my kids when they’re with me or I’m “on duty” but occasionally they’ll be at preschool or with a babysitter or at a playdate and I’ll be doing my thing and then I’ll be all like – where’s my kid?! Oh yeah, I remember, they’re actually at XYZ and it’s okay that I’ve temporarily forgotten and am not “on duty”
As for forgetting about being pregnant – never happened either time since I was so miserably uncomfortable with morning sickness / big belly / kicking baby. More miserably uncomfortable the second time, but the first time the novelty was bigger so there was no way I’d forget for even a moment.
My daughter is getting ready to turn 4 at the end of this month, but I remember going through exactly what you are now… before I got the baby belly and all the lovely symptoms to go along with being pregnant, I’d temporarily brain-fart and reach for a beer or a glass of wine. Luckily my roommate Katie, would go “HELLO!? Catharine, you’ve got a baby in there, remember?!!”
Last summer, my godson/”nephew”, Christian, passed away after being left in the car for 10 hours. (You can see his story here.) It was a tragic accident, but it opened my eyes to how often I zone out on the way to work. I used to constantly check the back seat on the way to work before it happened, and after? I call the daycare at least once a week to check on her, and I’ve made arrangements with them to call me if she hasn’t been dropped off in the morning or I didn’t call to let them know she wouldn’t be in or she’d be late. Every daycare should do this, regardless.
I think the screensaver idea is a fantastic one, and it’s something that I’ll pass along to the founder of CCL Car Safety (the foundation I volunteer with, which was started by my godson’s mother).
I wish you well,
Catharine
http://www.newlaunches.com/archives/babys_alert_child_minder.php
I worry about this stuff, too.
You are not alone in your feelings! When I was pg with #1 I had a dream that I forgot to feed the baby for days! Now that I am pg with #2 I had the dream again, I woke up feeling horrible both times.
And don’t worry I have never forgotten my son at all, I still occassionaly forget that I am pregnant.
I’m sure you’re not alone. Although, I’m not pregnant, I feel like I’ll be the same way. One of my friends, who has a baby, always puts her purse in the backseat. I don’t know a single woman that hops out of the car without her purse, therefore if you have to look in the backseat for your purse, you’ll see your baby in the carseat.
I started having those crazy dreams after my son was born, and they really freaked me out, I would either forget him at home or I would go to put him to bed and wake up in the middle of the night and he was gone!
THe whole ham thing is so funny, I did that with a hot dog, but i have heard that it really isnt as bad as the internet makes it seem.
I cant wait to hear more pregnancy stories!
My god, the comments and the scary stories are freaking me out.
I think that for a while being pregnant IS very abstract. When you start showing and after you get peeks inside via ultrasounds, it will seem more real.
You’ll be fine. And really, if you are already worried about stuff like this, it shows that you are going to be a really good parent.
Plus, I think you could send in your story for one of those “I should have had a V8” commercials they used to do back in the day.
jbhat
You’re going to be a great parent! Stop worrying about ‘Ham Disease.’ LOL
I found in the early days of pregnancy it is hard to remember because you don’t have any visable signs…give it another month and that belly will be poppin out and hard to miss.
I’ve also found it extremely hard to forget about my daughter (she’s 15 months). Some days I wish I could for a second (I’m kidding), but she’s my sidekick and there is definitely NO forgetting about her!
I vividly remember a dream so life-like where I thought we forgot to pick her up from daycare. I woke shot out of bed like a mad woman and started running down the stairs to go get in the car and get her (it’s like 3am at this point). Luckily my husband woke up and told me that she was indeed home and asleep in her crib and to check for myself…and there she was…in dreamland! LOL
Parenting is a fun journey. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I had a bunch of those dreams when I was pregnant. I once dreamt that I had triplets and forgot they were upstairs for a few weeks. :blink
Being a mom will make you forgetful, that’s fo sho. Pregnancy/ Mama brain is a very real thing. Like this morning I was totally zoning out reading facebook messages when I walked into my shower and nearly drenched it my iPhone.
But no, I’ve never once forgotten about Garrett. He’s unforgettable. ;o) Yours will be too.
And once you get a big fetus sitting right on top of your bladder and drop kicking you in the crotch, you will have NO trouble remembering you are pregnant. Or where every public restroom is in your town. Trust me.
I have a feeling I’ll be the same way as you when I get pregnant. I have a feeling you won’t ever forget your child though
Hey, I don’t read your blog daily (I know, shame on me)but you know who I am–This is kind of a funny story: One time my hubby (Andy) was taking our daughter to the sitters for her 2 hour daily visit and he got side tracked by this amazing new shiny car on the car lot. He thought that he’d pull in and just walk around it and take a look. Well low and behold, I am at work and the sitter is calling me asking if my daughter (Alexis) was coming that day–now this was prior to cell phones…..I freaked thinking where are they. Well, my hubby got to work, got out of the car and there sleeping ever so quietly was Lex~~He ended up being late for work cuz he had to run her to the sitters. After that–never, ever, ever has he nor I ever forgotten that we have kids with us!! It was a hot summer day that could have ended up very badly. When you are distracted or stressed and loose your routine bad things can happen!! There are good idea’s posted though, and the screen saver idea–brilliant!! Dusty, you will be fine, you are nervous and have some anxiety but without those, life wouldn’t be the same. Love ya, Amers
I forget I’m pregnant all the time!…it was specially hard at the beginning.
Once the kicks start and the you hit your bump every time you open the fridge, you’ll be reminded 😉
D- It’s like you’ve read my mind. I’m not pregnant, but I’ve had these same fears in my dreams, too. I think you’ll be fine!
As far as forgetting you’re pregnant goes, yes, there were a few times where I did forget. That is until I reached the miserable third trimester. That’s when there’s no possible way TO forget. You have a bulging stomach that stands in the way of even the easiest tasks (i.e. putting on underwear, painting your toenails), your ankles are swollen and your feet look like loaves of bread in your shoes, your wedding rings no longer fit, and you’re just SO ready to meet your baby.
Once the baby arrives, there may be times where you revert back to your pre-baby way of thinking, but it doesn’t happen as often as you’d think it would. There have been times where Joe and I have made plans and have taken a step back and said, “Wait, what are we going to do with Anna?” It’s also my biggest fear that I’m going to forget to get her out of her carseat when I’m dropping her off for daycare. She’s so quiet in the backseat, and it’s not a normal part of my routine, that I can honestly see how that can happen to a parent. It’s terrifying.
Every single time I hear a story of a parent leaving their child in the car, I become more fearful. I am so absent minded and forget EVERYTHING… it really wouldn’t surprise me if I one day forget my kid. I don’t have a kid yet, so we’ll see. I’ll probably put a postit on my steering wheel reminding me not to leave him/her in the backseat.
So, I totally understand your fear!
Oh geez, do I know exactly what you mean… I’m a new mom to a four-month-old and share in your fears.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
I found you through Angela Solano’s blog.
Thanks for all your comments everyone! Although I hate to hear so many people share my fear, I have to admit I’m relieved to know I’m not alone!
Some of your comments made me laugh out loud and I’m glad you all could see the humor in my post.
Some of your comments were also heartbreaking. And while I joke about my worries of being forgetful, in all seriousness I’m so sorry to have my worries confirmed and hear that these things really do happen and have led to such tragedies. I’m so sorry for all the people who have suffered such a terrible loss this way.
Thank you to everyone for sharing your stories of similar dreams, experiences, parenthood, helpful tips, and your own worries. I truly love reading all your comments. Thank you!
I love your posts. This made me LOL!
I never forgot I was pregnant, but I had all-day morning sickness, so it was hard to forget. Ha!!
I was terrified that I’d forget I had a baby too. But you won’t. It’s amazing how one little person consumes your thoughts and life. You’ll be a terrific mother!
Also, the pregnancy dreams just get crazier! I had a dream 4 different times about my husband leaving me at a sabarros while he went to pick up his girlfriend from the airport.
You’ll have to post about those crazy dreams too!
there is a really great article on people leaving babies in cars, and while it is heartbreakingly sad, it did have a lot of really interesting information. They also make little alarms that you can clip onto the straps of your carseat, and if you get more than 150 feet from your car with the clips still engaged, the alarm on your keychain goes off. I definitely need one when we have a baby b/c last week i forgot my dog in the car for like 15 minutes after we got home from work. luckily, it wasn’t hot and she was just sitting there waiting for me to come get her. Bad mom.
Hi there! I’ve been reading for a while now, but thought I’d come out and say hello and congratulations!
Don’t worry, I have the same thoughts about forgetting my future children all the time… I think it’s pretty natural.
Love your blog
Oh dear, you are too cute. Yes, I had all of those same fears. They were more like nightmares than dreams. Mine was that my husband would forget the baby in the backseat. I used to call him on his cell phone whenever he had the infant: “Don’t forget you have our child with you in the backseat!” I would attach the pacifier clip to his sleeve just so he wouldn’t forget !
But don’t you worry. Once that baby is born, and once you’re over the shock that they actually let you take it home with you without some sort of training or certificate, you’ll know everything about your baby, from the type of his/her cry to the sound of his/her breath.
And I’ve seen your handbags – you pay too much attention to detail to ever forget a baby in the backseat.
I know my comment is a day late and a dollar short but, I had to say something.
My Mom actually told me to do this while pregnant so I wouldn’t forget our little one in the car.
When you go to your car put your purse in the backseat (imagine where you’d put your carseat for the baby) and remember to take it out when you get out of the car. Practice this everyday and you’ll get used to going to the backseat every time you get out of the car. By the time the little one gets here it’ll be habit.
First of all, love your blog and love your clothes. Second, a good friend of mine actually forgot she was pregnant and went tanning. Luckily she remembered as soon as she got into the bed and did not actually go through with it.
@Elizabeth–That’s interesting about the alarm. I’ve never heard of that before, but I may have to look into it. Thanks!
@Stephanie–Hello, and welcome! Thank you for your comment.
@Centsational Girl: “I’ve seen your handbags – you pay too much attention to detail to ever forget a baby in the backseat.” Wow, you sure know how to give a compliment girl! This one had me smiling from ear-to-ear! Thank you!